Recognize Love

What do you think of love? What does love mean to you in it’s purest form? Many of us do not think about defining love, yet we spend our lives searching for a partner who will love us. We yearn for ‘true love’ yet, some of us spend our entire lives never experiencing what this really is. The following is a list of barriers to love, which may be holding you back from love in it’s purest form:

1. Strings attached. Love should not come with a sense of debt, strings attached control or leverage. Ie. you date a partner who makes you feel vulnerable because they control a certain aspect of your life
2. Something is wrong with me. Nobody could love me.
3. You don’t believe you deserve the love you are getting or could get. Ie. I don’t deserve love because I’m not attractive.
4. Addicted to reciprocity. You believe that all acts of love should be equal. Ie. I bought you a watch last week, you didn’t buy me anything now I’m upset you don’t show me love.
5. Fear of losing love. Ie. loss of a loved one. Subconscious tells us that it’s better to be alone than to lose someone.

The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Physical touch and intimacy
3. Quality time
4. Acts of service
5. Gifts

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In this list it is important to understand that your love language may not be identical to that of your partner. For example, your wife might cook you a nice meal in the evening (act of service), and you might say kind things to her (words of affirmation), however she views this as uneven because you did not respond with an act of service. Remember, love is not reciprocal. It is not ‘I did this for you, so I expect you do it for me’. Love and acts of love are selfless and generous expressions of our feelings for another person, without the expectation of getting something back in return.

You can however teach your partner to speak in your love language. Be open to love and recognize how your partner is showing it to you. It is important to love yourself first and your partner second, not the other way around.

Reference:
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Chapman, G. D. (1995). The five love languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate. Chicago: Northfield Pub.