What is Narcissistic Abuse?

The DSM-5-TR defines narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as an individual with a persistent need for admiration, a lack of empathy and an unrealistic air of superiority. Listed below are some common symptoms of NPD and how they impact relationships. 

 

Symptom	Relationship Impact
Fantasizing about success, power, or “perfect love”	Creates unrealistic expectations for the narcissist’s partner
Inability and/or apathy towards understanding others’ needs	Partner’s needs are unmet
Unable to take and implement criticism	Impacts communication, when problems arise there’s no attempt from the narcissist to fix them
Need for constant admiration and validation	Constantly seeking external validation, high likelihood for cheating in the relationship
Belittling those they deem “inferior”	Can impact the partner’s self esteem
A sense of entitlement	They may feel entitled to their partner’s time and attention; they may try to control their partner

 

While not always the case, the above symptoms can lead to a controlling and potentially abusive relationship. As a consequence of this personality disorder, individuals with NPD may view their partner as more of a means for gratification rather than a human being. Thus, to continue receiving this gratification, they utilize manipulation tactics such as: undermining their partner’s self-esteem, gaslighting, deflecting blame, invalidating feelings and more. These tactics, which qualify as emotional/psychological abuse, make it incredibly difficult for the partner to leave the relationship. 

Furthermore, when faced with criticism or confrontation, there is the possibility that someone with NPD will escalate to threats, physical intimidation (a display of force, such as breaking or throwing objects) or even physical abuse. So, what protections exist in Canada to support victims of narcissistic abuse?

For immediate aid, especially in the event of family violence, legal protections can be instilled. In this situation, the court grants Emergency Protection Orders, which can include mandates for no contact, for the abuser to leave the home, or to not come near the victim(s). These rules are enforced by the police and, if broken, can lead to fines or jail time. Such emergency conditions can keep the victims safe during court proceedings, when additional charges may be laid on the abuser. Though the Canadian Criminal Code does not have a specific section for narcissistic abuse, various criminal offences may be applied to individuals who engage in such conduct:

Assault – While this does include applying force to another person without their consent, there doesn’t have to be actual physical contact. Using tactics such as threats and physical intimidation to imply the victim is in physical danger can also be classified as assault. 

Criminal Harassment – This includes repeated occurrences of threats and stalking (following the individual, watching them, unwanted attempts at communication). 

Uttering Threats – Threatening to cause harm either aloud or in writing is a chargeable offence. 

Unfortunately, emotional and psychological abuse can be difficult to prove in court. It helps to collect evidence such as:

• • A detailed diary of instances of abuse including the time, place and any witnesses
  • Audio and video recordings if possible
  • A paper trail such as texts, emails or repeated phone calls
  • Help from a psychologist, as they can present detailed notes in court

Healing from abuse can be difficult, but it is very possible. If you’re seeking assistance for this process, book a session with one of our trauma-informed therapists here. 

 

For more immediate assistance, please refer to the resources below: 

For Canadian residents:

Sheltersafe.ca – A helpful website to find the closest shelter for women and children. 

Intimate partner violence against men and boys – An article on Canada’s government website with useful information for men/boys who have been affected by domestic violence. 

Kids Help Phone – Useful resources for youth experiencing abuse and mental health issues, call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868.

 

Resources for Albertan residents: 

Family Violence Information Line: 1-780-310-1818

Alberta Abuse Helpline: 1-855-443-5722

Mental Health Help Line: 1-877-303-2642

Alberta 24/7 Community and Social Services Helpline: 211