Staying Together for the Kids – Helpful or Hurtful?

Relationships always have their highs and lows, and can be difficult to navigate. Considering the effect a breakup could have on your children makes matters even more complicated. 

It’s Okay if Things Didn’t Work Out

The first thing to remember is that sometimes relationships end. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t have to impact your ability to parent. If you and/or your partner are unhappy together, it’s okay to consider your happiness. 

Does Divorce Negatively Impact Children?

Of course, there are many factors at play when it comes to divorce. However, many studies indicate that there are protective features that lessen the impact of divorce. Most children adapt well, and have few negative outcomes (such as aggression, trouble in school, etc.) if the following are true:

• The children have good relationships with both parents
• There is supportive co-parenting (consistent schedules, courteous to each other, similar parenting styles)
• Low levels of parental stress
• Strong social support network

We recognize that this isn’t always possible. Sometimes, it’s necessary to cut contact with your partner. However, a strong bond with one parent can still significantly help the child deal with the separation. 

Constant Fighting Might be Worse

Some disagreements within families are completely normal. However, frequent arguments, especially when children hear or see them, can have negative effects. 

As early as three years old, kids can pick up on emotional turmoil. Infants rely on sensory processing from birth and can pick up on parental stress. As children get older, they have a greater awareness of the surrounding tensions. 

Witnessing frequent fights tends to increase stress and behavioural issues. It can also decrease general mental health and feelings of security in the home. 

If this is the case, and the couple has tried resolving their issues via communication, therapy, and mutual work on the relationship, then separation may be best for everyone involved. 

For more advice navigating relationships, divorce, and family dynamics, book a free consultation here. 

References

Karela, C., & Petrogiannis, K. (2020). Young children’s emotional well-being after parental divorce: Discrepancies between “resilient” and “vulnerable” children. Journal of Educational and Developmental Psychology, 10(1), 18. https://doi.org/10.5539/jedp.v10n1p18

Martin, M., O’Leary, J., Devries, L., & Gottschalk, C. (2018, June). The influence of interparental conflict on children. Nebguide. https://extensionpubs.unl.edu/publication/g2305/2018/pdf/view/g2305-2018.pdf

​