Stress

Often during years of early development we are subjected to stress beyond our control. Sometimes it is being teased by peers, other times being that we are forced to listen to our parents fight. Being subjected to these highs and lows on a frequent basis while growing up may cause a negative effect on how we formulate relationships later in life. Cyclical patterns can be seen as we become older and often we are not aware they have resulted from unhealthy situations, (out of our control) during early development. For example, if we are raised in a home where there is a lot of arguments, speaking down to each other, negativity and control – we may unknowingly fall into these same patterns with our adult relationships. We may chose a spouse who fits that mold perfectly and in turn, re-create the cycle of stress and abuse we are used to.

Not all cycles from our childhood are replicated:
In order to prevent yourself from continuing unhealthy patterns in your relationship such as looking for arguments or name calling, you must first recognize this has become normalized to you, because it was the way you were raised. (This is not always the cause of volatility in relationships, but often there is a link between early development and adult years).

Look for patterns:
ie. I was constantly stressed out during childhood because of … and now I tend to go looking for stress in my adult life because it seems normal to me.
ie. My parents used to fight about how often my father drank and now I fight with my wife about the exact same topic.
ie. My response to stress is avoidance, I have been burying things away for a very long time.

1. Spend time identifying the unwanted influences from your childhood and acknowledge how that has impacted you as an adult. Make a list of all things during your ‘years of development’ which had a negative impact on your life.
2. Look for connections on how they have impacted your life as an adult.
3. Spend time speaking with your therapist about how to best modify this behaviour going forward. Discuss examples of how to slowly change the cyclical patterns to create positive results for you and your family.

Remember – stress kills!

Stress is an unwanted and un-necessary part of life, in which we must constantly try to protect our children from and minimize in our adult lives as much as possible. If you have a spouse or friend who seems ‘addicted to the roller coaster lifestyle’ ask them to call Allegro Counselling today for assistance.