The way individuals handle conflicts, connection, emotions and communication within relationships contribute to their attachment style.
They are often developed in early childhood, largely influenced by how caregivers interact with their children. However, relationship experiences as you grow and develop can also shape attachment. Though developed early, this does not mean that attachment styles cannot change over time with consistent work. (Cleveland Clinic, 2023).
The Four Main Attachment Styles
Psychologists typically break attachment styles into four categories: Secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganized. Of course, individuals can display characteristics from more than one category, and may display certain behaviours depending on the relationship.
Secure Attachment
This is characterized by a feeling of security and trust in relationships. Communication is often open, and individuals feel safe discussing their needs and listening to the needs of others. They can often also regulate their emotions, be okay spending time alone and also manage conflict without turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Anxious Attachment
This form is often rooted in a deep fear of abandonment and/or rejection. Often, individuals with anxious attachment styles have lower self esteem, and need more reassurance. They have difficulty regulating emotions such as jealousy, and may feel more distressed when spending time alone. It may be harder to trust others as well.
Avoidant Attachment
There are two types of avoidant attachment: Dismissive and avoidant.
Dismissive is characterized by such a high value on independence that individuals find it difficult to ask for help or express their needs. Vulnerability and emotional closeness can be a big struggle, sometimes causing these individuals to come off as emotionally “distant.”
Anxious-avoidant people tend to have a combination of a deep desire for closeness and a fear of intimacy. These two characteristics often show up as cycles in relationships. When the relationship becomes too close, they may pull away or create high-conflict situations.
Disorganized Attachment
As the name suggests, disorganized attachment style has a mix of characteristics. It can often produce contradictory behaviours, with components of both anxious and avoidant styles. Individuals may have difficulty trusting others and regulating emotions. Some may crave independence one day, but want closeness the next.
With some introspection and possibly outside help, attachment styles can evolve over time. To learn more about attachment and relationships with our counsellors, book a free consultation here.
References:
Cleveland Clinic. (2023, August 4). Attachment Styles in Infancy & Adulthood. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/25170-attachment-styles
